Cotillion, Quinceanera, Sweet Sixteen, Debutante Ball

by Pasadena Adjacent

A year ago today, Tovah took the road most “unavoidable”  I was cold cocked, cheated, but even had I been expecting it, the results would always be the same. I’d second guess my actions and come to the realization that no one gets it right when it comes to death. What I did get right was the choice to wait. It’s interesting to contemplate the word mourning. One version implies new beginnings and the other; grief. But after a loss, the two are in absolute sync. Mornings become the saddest time of day. At its worst, it lasts a month. If you’re a Christain, 40 days. After that, you live with a low grade depression. Functional, but a little sad.

Thank you to poor Mary, who had to be with me for a week afterwards in New Mexico; to late to change plans. Thank you Karin and my sister Victoria, both who understood my sorrow and didn’t judge my direction. Thank you Joan Didion for writing it down while you lived it. Thank you Paula, who kept me in her thoughts and Susan, who kept a look out for my next princess. She’s here.

I have a bias towards cats with pointy ears and faces. After five cat shows, internet searches, cattery visits, and rescue sites, I decided to invoke the spirit world. I placed my Tai Spirit house next to the flowering Lion’s Tail, and did a little redecorating. My ceramic budah mezuzah, terra-cotta warriors and  cocktail monkeys. But of highest significance are my siamese cat figurines. Stand-ins for my loss/lost girls. The bone china siamese kitten is from my grandmother and represents Tovah. Then there’s the crystal siamese cat given to me by an elderly couple. In the waiting room the day Tess was euthanized; they got my address after I left, and mailed it to me. Sometimes people are so damn decent.

Consider this post Twyla’s formal introduction to blogger society. On February 25, Twyla Bean showed up at the sixth cat show I attended; across the street from Glendale Community College. I saw her and felt that long awaited “yes.” I’m now back to loving the morning. She is magnificent. We are content.

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