Rose City Sisters “reject”
by Pasadena Adjacent
Dear Pasadena Adjacent,
We thoroughly enjoyed reading “Last Night I dreamt I was a Nixonette Girl.” Unfortunately, in its current state, it does not fit with our merit based editorial goals. If you’ll consider certain extreme changes, we’d like to see it again.
Sincerely , Rose City Sisters
Last Night I dreamt I was a Nixonette Girl
I grew up on the left side of a right wing town. It’s true; below the drive and on the east of the end [Huntington/San Gabriel]. While Grandmother kept busy aiding and abetting that nice young Quaker boy (in an effort to get him out of the orange groves of Yorba Linda) our local gathering of John Birchers were looking for a commie under every rose. It’s true; above the drive and on the west of the bitter end [Mission/El Molino]. And did I mention I had ambitions? Yes, BIG ambitions. I wanted to grow up to be a Nixonette girl.
Nixonettes are a select group comprised of school girls and secretaries; blonde and popular (think Breck girl). My dreams were inspired in part, by my aunt Gail. She grew up among the hills of inland San Diego. An avocado growers daughter whose family wealth can be traced to the patent of the whirly bird sprinkler head. As out doorsy types, we native hotties of the golden state are considered wholesome folk. You’ll find us dressed in red, white and blue, organizing basketball cheers so that we can drown out “Stop the War” chants from the back of the crowd. We used “Sock it to ‘em, Dick, Sock it to ‘em, Dick” to great effect.
But my dream took a dark and deviant turn. You see, The Pasadena Closet Conservative, our local patriot, eyed me with impure thoughts. He followed me into the ladies room of Whole Foods, lacing the toilet paper with rupee powder. Once I was out cold, he kidnapped me from the nearby ARCO parking lot. I awoke to find myself locked up in his Pasadena basement next to Virginia Hoge and other local neo Birchers. Tricky Dick came by nightly and entertained us on his baby grand. We took turns sitting on his lap. The closet conservative has since disappeared. Rumor has it, his “Pasadena” closet was burnt to the ground.
Our Editor responds: this blog post is a parody.
Pasadena Adjacent 
Our Editor responds: We pushed our “short story” in the direction of Patch. Their response
Thanks for your query.
As to your material I’m afraid we must pass – We’re just not enthusiastic enough about the premise of your story to feel that we’d be the right agent for the project. Our agency represents a very full list of writers and we must be highly selective in adding to it.
Sincerely Patch
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Hahaha! Aw, rejection letters are funny fickle freckled fingers of fate, aren’t they? I applaud all the weirdness concocted, mixed and slathered all over your postle. I love it.
Our Editor responds: We’re at our happiest best when “weirdness concocted” takes center stage. We are a dark people.
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My mom was a stewardess in the 1950s and she used to have the is big picture of her shaking Nixon’s hand when he was about to get off an airplane. Then, when Watergate happened, no one ever saw the picture again.
Our Editor responds: Why look who’s here; a member of the Rose City Sisters advisory board! concealing the Nixon evidence? Like mother like daughter? is that why our short story was rejected? for shame!!
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“A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits. Or gets a rejection letter from Salon.”
Richard Nixon
Our Editor responds: And (Breck Girl) by Salon, are you speaking of this particular “Salon”?
http://open.salon.com/blog/virginia888/2010/12/02/is_topix_giving_out_users_personal_data_to_the_nsa
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I especially like your Breck girls.
Our Editor responds: The oh so popular “Hiker” tried to throw you off her trail by quoting Nixon. But not on your watch. Artist like their links.
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There’s always Open Salon…
Our Editor responds: Salon appears to be loose on the restrictions. Refer to the Hiker’s comment.
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I think Nixon also had a rejection complex. He never really felt accepted and “one of them.” An outsider as much as an insider.
Our Editor responds: Empathy for the devil?
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Our Editor responds: No sympathy for the devil?
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And your grandmother was such a sweet lady, in spite of the Nixon mix up. Where did you find my old tapes?
Our Editor responds:would the real Jack Paar/Parr please stand up btw: Ed has the tapes
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Yeah, I hate rejection too. But some consolation should be you were the one chatting up John Frame at the Huntington Gardens. I would have said “Hello!” but I didn’t want to interrupt an intense discussion on aesthetics–
Our Editor responds: Welcome Des, John Frame is a big fan of Pasadena Adjacent
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“A small exhibition of drawings, watercolors, and prints goes on view today in the Huntington Art Gallery. The works were chosen by artist John Frame, whose own work (on view in the Boone Gallery) is heavily influenced by Blake.” http://www.huntington.org/huntingtonlibrary_02.aspx?id=8836
If I didn’t have such a full plate today…I’d I’d I’d
Our Editor responds: Mr Frames influences may be Blake, but his work (“weirdness concocted”) is more like Bruegel gone awry in a stats Christmas display. Visit on a weekday, avoid the crowds, gain elbow room.
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What the heck is Topi(c)s? John Frame, on the other hand, rings a bell. As I have to be at HG tomorrow, I will definitely visit Boone.
Our Editor responds: Topi(c)s took over (from the previous 2009 blogger flame wars) as the playground for Pasadena’s lunatic fringe and their anointed recruits.
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Is that the real Closet Conservative?
Our Editor responds: “was” being the operative word… An unnamed source with the FB(eye) has revealed that the closeted one, after extensive plastic surgery, has now dropped “Pasadena” from his title.
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I love your highly original quirky meanderings, PA. And the Breck girls are lovely.
What kind of “extreme changes” did Rose City Sisters recommend? Did they really say that?
Our Editor responds: Thank-you. team Pasadena Adjacent never presented “Last Night I dreamt I was a Nixonette Girl” to the Rose City Sisters. All an attempt at provoking the locals with poorly written “flash/trash fiction” It keeps our editor amused. The post coinciding with tragedy of the tsunami was not anticipated (but further serves the cause of bad taste)
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How can one go wrong following a progressive leader WITH pianistic talent. How? Well, he wouldn’t of fooled me. I vote strictly on looks.
Breck girl, what a cruel memory to bring up.
Our Editor responds: don’t give up YOUR dream of being a Nixonette girl! bleach, contact lenses (you’ve already got the tan)
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It’s a curse, Tash.
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So…you’re doing all this blogging. Why NOT write a flash fiction story for the Rose City Sisters? I’ll be waiting.
Our Editor responds: We at Pasadena Adjacent, refuse to make the “extreme changes” you and your sisters require. If YOU should change your mind, we’ll be waiting (wink)
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Okay, Full House. Here’s my Royal Flush:
“Please send us NO MORE of your work!!!”
Written in red ink across my cover letter from Granta on a short story I submitted back in the 90s. I still have that cover page.
I love this piece, BTW.
Our Editor responds: If you are interested, we at team Pasadena Adjacent would be honored to publish your rejected story on this blog. We have a daily circulation of around a whopping 100. If not, we will be submitting our short story to Granta with plans of rubbing our success in your open wound. Check mate (wink)
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Seriously, Laurie? That’s awful. Hard to believe, too, and their loss.
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Seriously. To be fair, Granta was a bad fit but I was in a fury of mail-everything-to-everybody. I really REALLY love that cover page with the red pen, though. It’s funny just to see it. It’s so awful it’s hilarious now. There used to be a website dedicated to rejection letters and they gave me an award.
And Pasadena Adjacent Editor, if I can track down that story I’d be honored. Hey, is Granta even around anymore or did it choke on its own pretension?
Our Editor responds: Track away, we are the land where misfits may find succor
http://www.granta.com/
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